Budget Diva

Your best foot forward

Warm weather will soon arrive and always divas ya need to step up the feet game.Time and time again an article surfaces outlining the do’s and don’ts on proper feet etiquette and low and behold time and time again there are the few that insist that said rules do not apply to them. Honestly, the few that are in denial are the few we are trying to reach.

We can’t all have pretty feet but we can all do what is necessary to not fall into subjective (side eye) categories.

Nasty feet is just plain ole’ unacceptable.

Budget Diva’s 7 simple rules to surviving the summer:

Rule #1: Washing and greasing your feet is imperative. As simple as this rule may seem there are those who still continue to leave the house with feet that look like they’ve been kicking bricks all damn day. Please, there is no excuse for crusty feet so damn early in the morning, I could probably give you a pass if those dogs were crusty in the evening. Pass the Vaseline and oil them joints up properly.

Rule #2: Cutting & shaping your toenails. There is nothing that makes me shake my head more than a lady who slips her feet into a uberly fabulous pair of sandal with ill shaped toe nails. Now why is it that your toenail looks to be growing towards the heavens? Why?? This is just down right unacceptable. An emery board is what you need or better yet a consult with a podiatrist. That sucker may require being plucked out and regrowing all over again. And if you are one of those ladies that think wearing acrylics on your toe nails is cute somebody lied to you, those are no longer toe nails but claws and claws on a lady…honey…that ain’t cute.

Rule #3: Shaving your toes. I don’t know who advises you but hair on the toe is just nasty. Put a razor to those badboys and shave that hair gone. Be gone I says…be gone.

Rule #4: I continously come back to this year after year. If you happen to be cursed with long toes, please insure to buy sandals that do not encourage those lenghty suckers to travel beyond the head of your sandals. Huny, your toes should not be taller than your sandals. It just ain’t right. Just ain’t right.

Rule #5: The dreaded black toe nail. Hell this maybe hereditary, fungus, or just plain ole’ dirt. Scrub that sucker real good. Seek out a foot doctor. Try soaking that thing in bleach (hell, it whitens right?). Use “Dark” nail polish…cotton candy, soft pink, nude, need I go on? Those colors are not for you boo. Stick with the dark.

Rule #6: The middle toe is longer than the big toe. Chile, I just don’t know what to make of this. There is really nothing you can do about this… Right? Do they have toe extensions? Well I suppose if you keep them uniformed it will detract from that long middle toe. Like, you can’t go around putting all those mult-colored airbrushed designs on individual toenails. Just pick a solid color and stick to it.

Rule #7:Routine visits to your pedicurist. I understand that we are in a time of scaling back. However, I believe that a woman should treat herself every once in a while. You may not be able to get your feet pampered on 5th Avenue for $50+, but you sure as hell can head on down to your nearest hood and cop a fab pedi for a mere $17. Those she she froo froo pedicure spots won’t even shave the crust off your feet noways, but Chin Lee Ming, now she got a razor in hand ready to remove that ghastly build up. Now that will only cost you $34 every two weeks. Schedule those visits in.

Now we here at Budget Diva pray that you will hold fast to these here rules. As always, it is our mission to uphold these truths we hold to be self evident. Horrible summer feet…just ain’t right.

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